looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
