You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
