Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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