So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
