you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
