She is in my trunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
