i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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