Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
