i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
