Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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