Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
