Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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