i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
