I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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