she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
