my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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