Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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