I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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