Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
