sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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