so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
