Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
