If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
