she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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