you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize