I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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