Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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