I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
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areolas are like halos for boobs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.