Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality