My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
