okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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