they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
