I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
