I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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