i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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