How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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