how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
