Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize