I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
