Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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