since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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