There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
