so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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