By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
