nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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