what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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