I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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