Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
