you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
