all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
