I cut my penus on the lid.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
