I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
