my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
