once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
