i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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