Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
