We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
