I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
